A few days ago I read an article... well, more like a snippet, in the Statesman Journal. Apparently Hugo Chavez has told the Venezuelan army to prepare for war with Colombia. This snippet was buried on page four or five and occupied a plot about three inches by two inches. I know, that's six square inches. But three by two sounds smaller, and I use what I can to my advantage.
Regardless of my tricky techniques, many of us know that the United States has pushed for the use of military bases in Colombia, and seven of them are in the works. Activity is already occurring in this adventure. Of course, predictably, the US and Colombia say these bases are only for use in the fabulously successful War on Drugs. Well, I guess we can all get behind that.
Debating the War on Drugs will be saved for another day. Actually, it probably won't, because it's one of the most ridiculous wars ever, and there you have it, my opinion on that in one sentence.
But I will go back to these bases. Venezuela is for some reason skeptical of these joint US/Colombian plans. They point out that a document presented by the US military to the US Congress declares that this whole drug trafficking prevention scheme may be more than it's being sold as.
Wait, what?
This document states that one of these bases provides a “unique opportunity” for “conducting full-spectrum operations throughout South America”. And apparently cinnamon rolls are available at pizza joints now. Surprises everywhere. Is nothing sacred? I mean, Colombia, yes, obviously a sketchy bunch of folks. But, if you can't trust the good word of the United States, what's left? Just ask Nicaragua. No, don't ask them. El Salvador? Nevermind.
Okay, I may be cynical, but I think I know what's going on here. I think the US Government gives about as much of a crap about cocaine as they do about the sweet loads of poppies now rolling out of Afghanistan. I also know that they ARE for some reason immensely annoyed by populist and leftist movements in Latin America. War on Drugs?.. not very successful. War on the Left in Latin America?.. we've had a few victories there. I think this might be one of those wars. Shh, don't tell everyone.
So, here we go again. Since we can't just plop down a fantastic amphibious landing on the coast of Venezuela and smoke the annoying socialist out of his hole,.. not with Al Jazeera all wandering around. I guess we'll go back to the old proxy method. Oh, Oliver North, where are you now? If that was a song it would be right up there with John Brown's body moulderin' in the grave! We could march to proxy war inspired by Ollie, couldn't we? Didn't we? I don't recall.
Well, the media will doubtful give it much coverage now. But, when Venezuela has to march off, song or no song along the way, to trade fire with "Colombia", the news might talk about it a scad, as they did the coup in Honduras. And as in Honduras, you'll notice the Colombians with their shiny M-16s and AR-15s and other assorted American weaponry. Yes, God blesses America with night-vision goggles and a 30-round clip.
And with the God Blessed Empire comes a shopping list. We love shopping. Every good empire needs its resources. And well, winter is coming. And yes, that Chavez guy is pretty good to low-income Americans 'n all, with his Citgo doling out cheap oil during times of crisis. But what kind of pagan commie goes and gives the proceeds from their oil sales back to the people of his nation? This sort of activity is intolerable, and most likely contagious. What if all of Latin America nationalized their resources? C'mon! Did I mention that Colombia is buried in cocaine? Someone needs to get on that.
Luckily, with our new Communist/Muslim/Christo-Fascist US President we don't have to worry about these bases in Colombia. I heard somewhere that the government can never do anything right. So, obviously this is all a minor hoopla concocted by the usual treehugging beatniks that are so good at that sort of thing. It's probably nothing. Go about your business.
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